What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
14.06.2025 02:44
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I am 13 and I am planning to run away. What should I do to succeed?
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
When she asked me how she looked .
Is the Trump-Zelenskyy meeting a preview of what the US is going to do to Taiwan?
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
The only rule us 5 kids had .
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Who was the guy that had sex with the AIDS monkey?
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Which is a better option, a love marriage or an arranged marriage in India?
And who doesn’t know suffering?
We were not on the streets..
What did i know ?
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
It was going to be , some day.
I think the readers, may guess!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
So, i spoilt her more .
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Why do so many guys love anime girls?
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Which bands became massively popular for covering songs rather than recording originals?
Im still living with it.
I write beautiful poetry .
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Was to survive, this bastard.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I was seconnd youngest,
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Would this be the day?
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I couldn’t, believe it.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Who then, do I blame.?
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I was 9 years of age.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Put me off passion for life!!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
My family never makes their pension either.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I never cut or harmed myself..
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I said to her
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
But, we were locked up after school.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Especially a lifetime of it.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
She married twice! .
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I could never make a relationship work though!
She was in good health!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
All the time i was locked up.
(And it was in our own minds.)
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I was scared of men, in general
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
This is soul school!.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
We all went to grammer schools
Ive learnt so much.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I don,t even have a pension.
Comes on , in middle age.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
On the 31st of Jan this month .
She loved him until the end.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
But ive been too sick for many years..
But it wasn’t much.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
So whats the point in blame.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
He knew the spot.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
He resisted the act ,that day.
And i lived it daily.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
One cannot live in the past .
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I will be 64.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I was very sick at this time too.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
As i do to all so called friends.?
My life is so biszare .
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I have no regrets .
She found it foreign!.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
She wouldn,t have been !
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I waited trembling.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .